by Larissa Levise
Children at weddings always create the most idyllic and blissful scenes. In the movies, anyway. These cute and lovable beings are, by nature, cheery and innocent. One would think that their very presence at a wedding would be the perfect touch. In the real world, however, kids at weddings can bring comical or even disastrous results.
Most kids are fun seekers, and will have no qualms about amusing themselves when things get dull. They can also have a hard time calming down and appreciating the importance of the day, the way adults do. When it comes right down to it, weddings can be very boring for children.
Usually, a bored kids means trouble for adults. Instead of sitting quietly, they’ll giggle, fidget and make noise. They’ll wander around, play with their food, squabble with other kids and even break things. These antics may seem funny to the children but can be nightmarish to adults. Especially the bride and groom.
Should You Invite the Children?
Let’s face the facts. To most brides and grooms, having kids at their weddings is not a great idea.
Just thinking about an unruly child messing up her gown, toppling the cake or upsetting the wedding party sets any bride-to-be in panic mode. It’s too bad that so many parents are insensitive to these concerns. Some moms and dads just can’t appreciate or comprehend how a bride or groom may not want to have their cute and loveable kids at the wedding.
Wedding etiquette books and guides have it that the best way to exclude children to the occasion is to address it in the invitations. According to these books, brides and grooms who dislike kids in their weddings can do two things: one, do not include children’s names on the invites; and two, spread the word that children are not wanted at the wedding.
The second option can be brutal, but it is nicer than having to control children’s tantrums and misbehavior during weddings.
Because not all people understand and know wedding etiquette, it is sensible that at some occasions, the couple should be straightforward and inform the guests beforehand that the wedding would involve an ‘adult reception.’
Frankly telling guests with children that kids will not be welcome in the wedding can also be a practical option. For some, the gesture would not be very polite, but practicality would tell otherwise. Every bride and groom wants formality for their much-awaited moments. Recognize that.
Another method to exclude children in wedding invitations is to mention the number of seats reserved for a particular guest. For example, Mr. and Mrs. Mercer are reserved only two seats at the reception. That means that Mr. and Mrs. Mercer’s five children do not have places in the wedding. They should understand that.
If your guests are still clueless and insist on bringing along their children with them, contact them before the wedding and explain why their children may not attend the wedding. They may need a little wedding etiquette education.
Wedding etiquette for the parents
If you receive a wedding invitation that does not clearly state that kids are excluded, and if the couple does not call to emphasize the point, then you may assume that you can bring the children. As a courtesy, check with the couple to make sure it’s OK to bring the kids along.
However, be informed and remember the simple wedding etiquette for parents. You would not want to spoil the wedding just because your child suddenly acted out or threw a tantrum.
Empathize with the position of the bride and the groom. Think of how you would feel if you were in their shoes, and children created scenes at your wedding. It would not be sweet and cute, right?
Take the initiative and leave your children at home, if you can help it, when you attend the wedding. They could play around the house or watch the television or do their homework. They would likely get bored throughout the wedding ceremony and might ruin everything.
If you must bring the children, put your own wedding etiquette to good use and make the most of the occasion. Use it to teach your kids manners and proper behavior at formal events. Turn this occasion into a learning opportunity, and explain that you expect your children to behave like the adult guests.
This is a great teaching occasion to show the kids how to act during weddings, and educate them about some table and social manners.
Wedding etiquette also tells us to learn from each occasion. It teaches couples how to be good and patient hosts. It teaches parents to take responsibility for their children and to teach the kids valuable social skills.